Rob's Blog

Some time ago I discovered a website – MyDaddyCooks.com – which features videos from a dad who includes his toddler (aged 2-3 depending on the age of the video) in the cooking of the meals he cooks for his family. I loved the idea, but thought there was no way I could keep Izzy’s attention long enough to be able to cook anything edible with her. I also had obvious concerns about the safety of a toddler in a kitchen.

Despite my misgivings I was keen to give it a go, especially as Izzy was starting to take more of an interest in the goings on in the kitchen. The first thing I cooked with her was a simple sausage casserole. I prepared all the ingredients (including browning the sausages) in advance and laid them out on the kitchen table. Everything was done cold and safe. I sat Izzy down on her booster seat and we started.

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This was originally written for the Dads’ pages of the NCT Warwickshire newsletter, but I wanted to share it here too. I’m going to share the story of the birth of my second child Lara who was born at the end of November last year. I wanted to tell it from a dad’s perspective, but I wasn’t planning on taking as big a role as I did.

Firstly a bit of background. When our first child, Izzy, was born in 2009 Abby (my lovely wife and the real hero of this story) had false contractions a couple of weeks before the real thing. Not knowing any different we journeyed to the birthing centre. The contractions eventually subsided, and when the real thing came it was clear there it a big difference between false and real contractions. In the end Izzy was born in under four hours of Abby’s waters breaking so we knew a second one would come along pretty fast.

After Izzy was born we moved down to Leamington. After the lovely experience of giving birth in a midwife-led birthing centre Abby didn’t want to give birth in hospital so she suggested a home birth. I was more than happy to agree, after all hospital is somewhere you go when something’s wrong, and there’s nothing wrong with most births is there? We hired a pool, set it up, and all was ready.

At about 6pm on Saturday night, Abby started having mild contractions. We were obviously quite excited, but aware it could be some time, or that they could even stop entirely. I bathed Izzy and put her to bed as normal, with Abby’s contractions continuing irregularly. Not knowing what the next few hours would bring we had a reasonably early night.

The contractions started to get a bit stronger, and I helped put the TENS machine onto Abby. We still weren’t certain this was it, but it was looking more likely that the new baby would arrive that night, and we even allowed ourselves to get a bit excited.

By midnight the contractions were really affecting her, and we started timing them at about a quarter past. Still, I asked Abby (at the height of a contraction) “are you sure these aren’t real” and she replied (with actual words – something she would not have been able to do last time around) that she wasn’t sure.

At about 12:45 we decided it was probably going to happen that night, but would probably be some time as the contractions weren’t strong enough. I suggested I run Abby a bath to try and relax her and let her get some rest (and maybe even some sleep). I ran the bath and removed the TENS machine (making sure I turned it off first – something I learned from Izzy’s birth – a top tip). Abby had another, stronger, contraction and then started to climb into the bath. Before she even sat down she shouted to me “call the midwife – it’s happening”. Thinking she meant she’d just decided that they were definitely real, I got my phone out and started to dial.

As I was finding the Labour Ward number in my phone, she told me (with a bit more worry in her voice now) “cancel that, ring an ambulance”. At a glance I could see a little blood, and I helped her out of the bath. I calmy (well, relatively calmly) told the operator that my wife was having a baby. I think their first reaction was to assume I was overreacting and that it seems bad for everyone having a baby, but I knew Abby wouldn’t have said to call an ambulance for nothing. It wasn’t until I was following the operator’s instructions and Abby moved her hand out of the way that I could see how keen Lara was to see the world – her head was crowning!

I was told to “apply gentle pressure to prevent tearing”. In fact I was holding her in. As soon as I released a little pressure Lara was born gently into my waiting arms with a couple of pushes from Abby. She was so keen to exit that she came out with one hand up by her shoulder!

I instinctively knew everything was ok. Our new baby was crying, and Abby was barely bleeding (in fact I don’t remember any blood at all). My first thought was to make sure Abby knew everything was ok too, so I just kept saying “you’ve just given birth to a healthy baby girl”.

The call to the ambulance was logged at 00:57. Lara was born at 01:00.

We now were in a rather comical situation. Abby was stark naked bent over the wash basin. I was stood behind holding Lara, who was of course still attached. I knew an ambulance would turn up soon, but they wouldn’t be able to get in if I didn’t let them in! There weren’t even any towels in the bathroom. Izzy (who had been woken by Abby’s cries as she got out of the bath) was in her room crying.

Abby waddled to the bedroom with me following close behind (still holding Lara you see). We then did some complicated twister moves to untangle ourselves so Abby could sit down on the corner of the bed and I could get them both warm. Lara went straight to the breast for her first feed (before the ambulance operator even had a chance to suggest it).

I’d like to rewind for a moment if I may. When Abby told me to ring an ambulance one of my first thoughts was that she may get taken to hospital in a rush. I was aware that Izzy was asleep in her bedroom and if we didn’t have anyone to take her I would have to leave Abby to go on her own. My parents only live a couple of miles away, and were already on standby, so while on my phone to the ambulance operator, I grabbed Abby’s phone and dialed my parents. Unfortunately I couldn’t speak to them (my other call was a little more important), so I just put the phone on the floor in the hope they would at least get up (if in bed) and ready to go, even if they didn’t set off. This meant they heard everything, but had no idea we were on our own! When I did pick up the phone (after the untangling stage) the first thing my mum said to me was “is the midwife there?”!

I went downstairs to open the door for the ambulance. Two turned up. My first reaction was that they’d messed and sent too many, but then I realised there were actually two “patients”: mummy and baby!

Five men traipsed up the stairs (one of the ambulances had a trainee on board). Poor Abby was sitting naked (although admittedly under a quilt) on the corner of the bed when they came in! They soon saw that they weren’t really needed. One crew went back down to their ambulance and the other did a quick examination to see there wasn’t too much bleeding, and helped Abby further up the bed to a more comfortable position. They then made sure the midwife was on the way.

The midwife and her assistant turned up (another trainee?) a short while later. They cut the cord (I declined, having found the first time around a bit disappointing) and gave Abby the injection to help the third stage of labour along (Abby’s request – the third stage was a little difficult with Izzy’s birth). Most of their time was spent doing paperwork, and they eventually left after 3am!

At 3:30am Lara was asleep in her crib but we both had too much adrenaline in our systems to sleep. I decided to go and pour myself a beer, knowing it would be the last one I would be able to manage for a while! The adrenaline soon subsided and I never finished my beer. We went to bed, although it didn’t last for long! The first of many broken nights.

Overall, it was quite a whirlwind experience. I have had a lot of congratulations on delivering Lara, although being quite honest all I did was catch! Abby really did all the work. Even if you discount the birth itself (which was a lot harder for her than me of course) she carried her for 9 months!

I would have thought it would be more worrying and stressful, but whether it was too quick, or whether it was instinct, I wasn’t worried at any point. Being present at Izzy’s birth helped, and of course the preparation our NCT antenatal classes gave us was great. I have heard in general if a baby is coming very quickly, there are unlikely to be any complications.

I don’t think we are planning on a third child, but if we do I think we would have to have a live-in midwife to have a chance of one being present at the birth!

After going through a period of writing a post a day, it’s now been nearly 8 months since my last post.

It’s not like I’ve not had anything going on. The latest development we’ve had is we moved house at the beginning of August. We’ve moved out of York and are now living in Whitnash (near Leamington where I grew up). We’re in a bigger house, and we’re nearer my parents which hopefully means a bit more support with some free childcare. I also don’t need to work from home any more (no more shedworking!), so I have a 2.5 mile commute (by bike or on foot) every day which means I’ll get some much needed exercise!

There is also some news which seems pretty old by now: we’re expecting our second baby in November. This is all pretty exciting, if a little scary, but we’re really looking forward to giving Izzy a brother or sister (we chose not to find out the sex again this time).

The other big news is that Abby has started a business called Izzy’s Mum selling breastfeeding clothes and accessories. She’s been spending what little free time she has sourcing some great products, and I’ve been busy developing a website. It’s still early days (things got put on hold a bit for the move), but things are looking promising.

I think I’ll try and post a bit more regularly again. I keep having ideas for posts, but never get round to writing them. In the mean time, that’s it for now (any bets on how long till the next post!?)

Last weekend we went to  a wedding (at which we had a very good time). We had Izzy with us, for the day, and of course had to feed her.

Abby was all for buying some pouches of mush, but we decided there is no reason we couldn’t continue with our baby led weaning. We chopped up some fruit, put it into small pots, and took it with us. We were provided with a high chair, which is where our first realisation comes. One problem with baby led weaning (at least with Izzy) is we can’t really use plates – she just picks them up and tips them over – we have to put the food onto the highchair tray. This is fine at home, but when out and about you don’t know how clean it is. We wiped it down with a baby wipe, but are going to get some anti-bacterial wipes to keep in the changing bag for future.

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If you’ve been following this diary, sorry for the lack of entries. I decided it was getting a bit samey and have decided it’s likely to be better to make occasional entries  when we have any new developments.

Izzy’s been eating that same sort of stuff. She’s really learning to pick things up on her own and put them into her mouth. I’m quite mean with this – I’ll hold something up for her, but won’t put it in her mouth when she “calls” for it. Instead I let he watch me put it down so she knows where it is, and she quite often picks it up on her own. Sometimes I put it into her hand, and sometimes I give in and put it in her mouth.

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Today was a little odd as we had a very broken night (Izzy was suffering from constipation) and then we slept quite late. This meant meal times were all over the place.

Breakfast:
Stewed apple and pear. At first she didn’t seem bothered at all, but she did have a small amount of apple.

Lunch:
More apple and pear, but still didn’t eat much.

Dinner:
Same again, plus some melon. The melon was a bit hard so she didn’t have much, and she wasn’t very hungry overall.

Breakfast:
Banana, and mango. She wasn’t very hungry.

Lunch:
Mango pear and kiwi. The pear was a bit too hard though.

Dinner:
Slightly stewed apple and pear, and some steamed parsnip. She ate loads as she hadn’t had very much earlier in the day.

I didn’t get round to doing a diary yesterday, so there’s two days in one here. It’s also fairly short and to the point.

One thing we have discovered over the past couple of days is she often gets upset after eating, but if we give her some cooled boiled water after she’s finished she’s happy. She normally takes about 30ml, just enough to quench her thirst.

Breakfast:
Mainly lightly stewed apple and some pear.

Lunch:
The rest of the apple from breakfast, and some left over fruit salad that we had eaten the previous day.

Dinner:
Some fried courgette (she still doesn’t like this – I agree!), and some squash. Loads more fruit salad

Breakfast:
Apple again and kiwi fruit (she absolutely loves this).

Lunch:
Left over squash and some more kiwi fruit

Dinner:
Mango (she really likes this, but it’s too slimy for her to pick up easily), and more squash.

We’re down at my mum and dad’s at the moment which means things are a bit different for Izzy, but we’re still carrying on with the baby led weaning.

Breakfast:
Izzy slept for quite a long time last night, so was pretty hungry. We slightly stewed/steamed some apple, and gave her some fairly soft pear. She ate four quarters of apple with very little mess, and has a small amount of pear.

Lunch
We were having fishcakes with steamed carrot and broccoli, so we gave Izzy some of the steamed veg, as well as the left over (another four quarters) apple from breakfast. The apple went down very well, but she didn’t seem keen on the veg. I don’t know if it’s because the carrot still had skin on (we have peeled it up to now), of she just didn’t fancy it. She also sucked on (but didn’t eat much of) a piece of wholemeal bread.

Dinner:
We didn’t plan enough before she got hungry, so dinner consisted of soft pear, clementine and bread with humous. The fruit went down fairly well, but the favourite was the bread and humous!

She ate quite a lot today, but I’m writing this at 10:30, and she’s still not asleep (she normally is by this time), so I don’t know if this is related, of if it’s just coincidence.

Izzy is 6 months old today. All the “official” advice says you should only start baby led weaning at 6 months old, but she was getting hungry and seemed ready, so she’s 20 days in now!

Breakfast:
Abby did breakfast (as she does most days in fact), and it consisted of nectarine, banana and of course satsuma. The nectarine just got sucked for a bit, and she ate a fairly small amount of banana and satsuma, but she’s never very hungry first thing in the morning.

Lunch:
We gave Izzy the remains of the sweet potato from last night (slightly warmed in the microwave), and some satsuma. She ate quite a bit more than at breakfast, but still played with it a lot. The softer pieces of the sweet potato were definitely the favourite. I think I am steaming it for slightly less time in the vague hope it will be a bit less messy, but I think I should make them softer. We’ve also decided that orange is her favourite colour of food!

After lots of grabbing Abby also gave Izzy a small piece of wholemeal bread from her panini (it had no cheese on that bit. Izzy was happy sucking on that for a while, and I think probably swallowed quite a bit of it. She’s starting not to like us eating if she’s not, which is hard because if we are eating ourselves we can’t help her eat!

Dinner:
Something a bit different this evening – Abby fried up some squash and courgette. Despite being a little firmer and our experiences at lunch time, she really seemed to like the squash, but the courgette didn’t go down well (I don’t blame her – I think it’s horrible). She also had a bit of banana.